I have never been much of a consumer. Part of the reason is because I am lazy and being a consumer takes time and effort and money…stuff I don’t like to part with very easily. But there is another reason. I was lying around thinking about why I am a non-consumer and why so many people struggle with a consumerism addiction and it hit me: its because that’s what I was rebelling against.
Some teenagers get tatoos and pierce body parts or date sleazebuckets. Me as a teenager refused to jump on the consumer bandwagon. Why? Its because that’s what my mother did as a hobby.
Growing up, I wasn’t exposed to the marketing tactics that ensnared everyone. I was too busy reading my Enid Blyton and my Hardy Boys and my classics (Dickens, Dumas, Twain, Bronte) as well as all the naughty books I could get my hands on in the library (sex was an endlessly fascinating topic for me - a young girl in Catholic school). I had no interest in all the girly things that girls are interested in. To some degree I feel that I cannot relate to "normal" people today because I have no idea what normal people do or think. But where there were no clever marketers there was my mother. She was very good at pointing out my numerous defects and suggesting ways to hide those horrid defects. She always bought my clothes because anything I purchased and wore (tee-shirts, jeans and sandals) was never very acceptable to her. Clothes apparently can influence people and branding is important in demonstrating taste to these outsiders. So she was always buying me stuff and telling me that it was from this brand or that brand. She also introduced me to the concept of wearing makeup. Since I was ugly (which she was fond of mentioning repeatedly) and had oily skin that was very dark (or tan), I had to dress up my face by painting it with colors. And caking my face with that crap somehow transformed me into a ravishing beauty. Except for the fact that dark skinned people with loads of makeup create a look that is more suitable on a mime artist. The fact that I am incredibly un-photogenic (with a permanent scowl) didn’t help at all.
So at every given opportunity I would refuse to wear makeup or wear the clothes that was purchased for me. I got a special thrill when I went out and exposed my hideous self to the unsuspecting world. My mother was horrified ("What will people think seeing you like that?"). I got great pleasure at not combing my hair (instead dreads!).
It was thus a huge relief when I finally began living on my own. Marrying someone with the same values as myself was even better. Now I had another weirdo to relate to.
So what’s the point of this post? Well I have advice to dole out. If you want your kids to be non-consumers, you should take the consumer route. Fill your house with all sorts of useless crap where the only purpose of this stuff is to make your kids clean/polish/wash it every weekend (it creates discipline!). Repeatedly point out the defects in your kids (make some up…it’ll be fun). Have your entire self-worth based on crap you buy and your imaginary thoughts of other people’s perceptions of you. You’ll drive your kids straight into the land of tree-huggery.






I’m a lazy consumer too. I have patched so many holes in my jeans just because the idea of going to the mall and actually shopping makes me want to puke. Nothing is going to fit anyway. Blah!
I get my freakish non-consumerism because I always had to buy everything on my own. My step-mother was appalled when she saw my checkbook (I was 11 at the time) and I had written a check to reimburse my biological mother for .97 cents for a bottle of hairspray. We had to pull our own weight and nothing in life is free, right? Well, there were other issues in that house, believe you me. I have shocked a few therapists over the years…
Anyway, I started hoarding all the money I made from jobs because I knew the less I bought and more I saved, the more quickly I could get out of there and be on my own. Freedom was my motivation.
Comment by Heather @ SGF — June 13, 2008 @ 10:08 pm
Great post. My mother was a shopper too. She wasn’t critical of me or my looks as much as all of my values and my judgment. For instance, my desire to wear organic fibers rather than synthetics in the 60’s has meant her shoving poly-things at me for almost 40 years. Re.Lent.Less.
Only in these last few years, with her being too old and in pain with arthritis and too poor, she has stopped shopping for the wrong things for me. I have been a non-consumer for many, many years.
Comment by katecontinued — June 14, 2008 @ 11:02 am
Heather: That incident with your biological mom was funny. I can related. To this day I keep tabs on money. It might be frowned upon…but I don’t like to owe money.
katecontinued: my husband’s family is a bit like your mother…always needling us about our dietary choices. It can get quite annoying but its starting to affect our mental health less as time goes on.
Comment by Beany — June 14, 2008 @ 7:03 pm
What you write makes sense, but I think some of it may be hard-wired and there may also be influences from outside the home. Take my sister and I:
We grew up in the same house with less than two years’ difference in ages. She is now a consuming fiend who would not be seen dead outside the house without make-up, hair properly coiffed, and the nicest designer clothes that credit card debt can buy. Oh, and she really likes jewelry, especially with expensive gemstones.
Me? Standard attire is t-shirt, jeans, and running or walking shoes. I don’t own make-up and I’ve been known to go all day before remembering I never did brush my hair that morning. I own a few funky pins but no real jewelry. Yes, I’ve even ditched the custom necklace my sister bought me for my wedding (because she couldn’t bear the thought of me getting married without a diamond, or maybe she just hoped I’d give it to her).
Comment by Chile — June 14, 2008 @ 7:05 pm
Good lord! I’m sorry, but I lost the plot of the story whilst reading how incredibly horrid some mothers can be!
I hope you have off-loaded all that crap heaped on you as a child!
I think you are an incredibly thoughtful and intelligent person Chile, and beauty comes from within, not from purchased goods as you well appear to have recognised.
Given the groundswell around the world to more gentle, natural processes, it may well be that things will reverse and your mother and others that are in love with the life of the consumer will become the anachronisms!
Blessings:)
Comment by molly — June 14, 2008 @ 9:00 pm
Gawd, excuse Chiles name in there, will teach me to type responses whilst reading others LOL!
Comment by molly — June 14, 2008 @ 9:05 pm
Chile: I suspect there is something to that hardwiring. My sibling appears to be the exact opposite of me in every way.
Molly: I expect to fully recover by the time I turn 50
Comment by Beany — June 15, 2008 @ 3:27 pm
That’s funny! Will the converse be true? Since I don’t like shopping (mostly out of laziness), will I bring out the shopacholics in my daughters? Damn it, I am gonna have to shop like mad from now on. The things I have to do for the children!
I do wonder if there is hardwired shopping genes. However I do think going to extremes as a parent has some influence on the children - either bringing them into the fold completely or sending them away screaming.
Do everything in moderation?
On the calling kids ugly side, I have a similar story, though for entirely different reasons. My mother told me and my sister that we weren’t that attractive so the only way to get ahead in life is through studing hard and working hard. She was never picky with our looks or anything. She thought it was the right way to motivate us to work hard. It didn’t quite work, because my sister still believed that she was a rare beauty. I ended up not caring much about what I looked (perhaps it did work on me, who knows
)
Comment by CindyW — June 16, 2008 @ 3:48 pm
Hmm…the middle way. Its what the Buddha suggested…so perhaps your kids will turn out enlightened?
Comment by Beany — June 16, 2008 @ 11:11 pm